Inside No. 9, Episode #19: Fanfares Forward
July is the closing of a difficult time. June was one of the worst months of my life. I had a cycle of cluster headaches that lasted five weeks. These left me in crippling pain, scared, and unable to do many of the things one needs to get by. If you aren’t aware of what a cluster headache is, the alternative moniker is suicide headaches; this is not an exaggeration. Throughout this time I had moments of respite thanks to a concoction of drugs. These allowed me to walk and feel the sun of the hottest of Junes. It also afforded me glimpses of moments to read and listen to music. This is where I found solace in sound, and the nine songs on this mix helped me through the pain.
This month is also a sign of hope as I leave the pain behind and gather my thoughts, reborn into a world devoid of physical terror and hopelessness. This mix highlights some of the best music released this year as well as a few classics from my back catalogue. This episode is dedicated to the memory of Philip Jeck, but I’d also like to mention Ryuichi Sakamoto and Peter Brötzmann, who have left a big hole in my life with their departure. However, we have so many wonderful works to cherish and I will be keeping them alive through listening.
The mornings were the best thing I rediscovered throughout my illness. Walking at 5 am by the river and through the wooded fields, with only a rare dog-walker as company, was perfection. The nettles were overgrown, stinging my shins and reminding me that I was alive and the world was fierce and beautiful. The smell of petrichor, the heat of the sun and the birdsong connected me to a world I could only imagine just moments before. As I often lay, in the fetal position, cradling my head and moaning with pain I could only think of death, sleep and regret. The morning sunrise gave me hope and during those rare moments, I felt more connected to life than I had for a long time. This lack of connection is born from two decades of deep depression and panic disorder. The extreme pain was a relief from these long-term ailments, but not a welcome one. As soon as the pain stopped I had but a moment to find contentment before anxiety would claw its way back into my restless mind. I am so grateful for those sunny mornings, alone in nature. I am still in shell shock from the recent events, yet the fanfares of hope have given me some light in the darkest of times.
Departure One
Borghese Gardens September
Chantal Michelle
Continuing A Worn Out Tradition III
LP on Archaic Vaults 2023
Departure Two
Toys Were Us
Lecu
Leck
Cassette on Lo Recordings
2023
Departure Three
Clearing
Klara Lewis
Ett
LP on Editions Mego 2014
Departure Four
Old Demons
Laszlo Umbreit
Pas de Regrets
LP on Sub Rosa
2023
Departure Five
Spurn
Philip Jeck & Chris Watson
Oxmardyke
CD on Touch Records
2023
Departure Six
Decision to Out and Onwards
Perila
On the Corner of the Day
Cassette on Shelter Press
2023
Departure Seven
Angekommen
Nikolaus Utermöhlen
Karlsbad
LP on La Scie Dorée
2023 (1989)
Departure Eight
Tatum Ergo
Casey Fanni Tutti
Delia Derbyshire: The Myths And The Legendary Tapes – Original Soundtrack Recordings
LP on Conspiracy International
2022
Departure Nine
One Without
Oliver Coates
After Sun OST
Cassette on Invada Records
2023
Inside No. 9 is an attempt to share unique narratives through the mixing of 9 songs. Every episode will showcase a new theme, opening up new tributaries of discovery. Inside No. 9 is presented by Peter Taylor, a former features writer for Foxy Digitalis from back in the late 2000s. Peter is a visual artist and musician and has been creating music as MAbH since 2008.
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